“Old Love”

The question is asked,
“Is there anything more
beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?”And the answer is given.
“Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path.Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.”

– Anonymous

The Purse} Finding God in the day to day

{yes that is the young girl in the story. Doesn’t that smile melt your heart}

I work as a nanny. Working with children is like being given the fathers heart for a child which you yourself have not born. Yesterday I stumbled upon a principle of Gods love in an everyday situation with one of the girls I nanny. It was the simplest of scenarios, but I believe when you ask God to reveal Himself that is where He does it. In the everyday, in the so-called mundane of life. If you don’t stop and breathe for a moment you may just miss the amazing oppurtunity to love, to see love flourishing right before your eyes, and in your very heart.

I was sitting on the couch and needed something from my purse. I knew the young girl loved being able to help me get things; especially my purse, so I asked her if she would get it for me. As she did I affirmed her that she was so strong to be able to get it and when she brought it all the way to me I thanked her for doing so.

Now, was I unable to get my purse? No. But I knew the joy that it brought this young girl and out of the overflow of love that I have for her I wanted to partner with her to get accomplished what I needed. I love seeing her face light up when I ask her to help me with things. Additionally, by this young girl getting my purse for me did she gain anymore of my love? Was she able to prove her worth through this task? NO WAY. I love her. How well she did it was not the point. Being older, and taller I automatically have the advantage of being able to do a “better job” at this task than her no matter what. I was not grading her on how well she did it.That was not the point. The point was partnering with this girl whom I love to accomplish what I need but moreover bringing joy to her and being able to affirm her in her abilities.

After she brought me the purse it dawned on me, what a beautiful representation of the love that Father God has towards you, towards me, towards each and everyone of His children. He chooses to partner with us not based on need. But out of the overflow of His heart. He desires partnership, relationship. Those tasks that I do, He knows I may very well fail. But he see’s the excitement it brings me to do it. He also sees the frustration, and doubt that may arise while doing the task. But being Abba God He knows that it can be done. My heavenly father is not surprised when I “mess up” or when I don’t quite make the mark. He knows what is required. He knows the end from the beginning. There is no surprising God.

My prayer is that today you too would see God in the everyday. Because He is there. He is at work within you, He is reaching for you.



{Did you learn to love?}

Well it’s officially the last week of the internship here at the International House of Prayer.

I really couldn’t come up with a better way for my second to last sunday to play out if I had the choice. I’m sitting in the best coffee shop with Jon Thurlow Christmas music playing in the background, outside snow has covered the ground, my peppermint hot cocoa and fudge nut cookie are awaiting my devouring. My ears picking up conversations around me, contagious laughter pours from a woman across the way, men in front of me are conversing about the goodness of God, others spread out sitting alone texting, emailing going about their day. {If you hadn’t noticed cafe’s are one of my favorite places to be.}

With it being the last week, the reminiscing has begun. The late night talks & crying in bed together with the roommates go early into the morning. The obsessive picture-taking, just to make sure we have everything documented in our time here. The packing, the exchanging of clothes. The deep cleaning… However admist all the laughter,  tears, breakthrough, and breakdowns my time here all come down to one question.

At the end of the night when I lay my head upon my pillow the same question that is asked of me nightly will be asked of me on that glorious day when Jesus returns:

“Did you learn to love”

plain and simple.

Did I learn to love?

When the photographs are lost, tears dry up, when being in prayer room is not longer required, when the friends move away. What is left?

The personal and financial breakthrough that one encounters are great, yet only goes so deep because of the following truth. It all comes down to love. Of what point is breakthrough,  friends, a great church, and good teachings without love?  If someone were to ask me what I have learned in being here it was the very thing I was contending for. To know love. In coming here I discovered what real love is, who it is. Love is not an emotion, it is an action. It is not a distant feeling, it is not something afar off that only some can touch. All can reach for love and touch it. Yet one must first reach to feel it. Love is all around, it is all encompassing, it cannot be contained. Love is always loving. But we must choose to love, to feel love, to recieve love before to begin to what depths love itself has gone for us to feel love for eternity. This love, the force behind love is Jesus. Jesus is Love. All He does is motivated in and through love. There is nothing He does apart from it. It is in his jealous zeal that He cuts out all that would hinder love. It is in His bridegroom heart that He woo’s his Bride.  Its all for love.




{Bridal Paradigm}

The following entry was written for internship class. Topic: Describe the Bridal Paradigm


Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,  that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

{Ephesians 5:22-27}

The intention of marriage from the heart of God is to take two humans as two paintbrushes to paint a picture of what Love is. It is to symbolize the relationship between God and His people. Just as marriage requires a purity covenant/remaining faithful to their spouse, so God expects the same from His church which He refers to as His bride. In me saying YES to God He requires my allegiance to Him, to remain faithful to Him without any other lovers {Lovers in this context would refer to anything that hinders love} Many times the Body of Christ {His Bride} forget that Gods love is in the context of the bridal paradigm. The story of Jesus is not about some God who came down, gave up His life and now demands we listen to Him and do whatever He asks. In fact that couldn’t be farther from the truth. God came in flesh as love, with the desire to re-unite His people back to Himself. With a jealousy that even death could not quench.

The bridal paradigm is an invitation, a beckoning into the eternal love of God. To experience His desire and love for us just as a groom on earth so loves his bride so God loves His people. His love is an everlasting love that cannot and does not waver. It cannot waver even in the midst of trial and tribulation; when us humans would question love, loyalty, or desire it is Gods love that stands strong.

In the earthly view of a bride and groom, the engagement is the promise of whats to come. At this time a man places a ring on the woman’s finger as a promise that they will soon be together forever until death separates them. Then the wedding comes. In the wedding vows they state that the bride and groom will stand by each other for better or for worse, through sickness and health; and from that day forth they belong to each other and no other. Just how on earth as marriage is to be a sacred relationship between one man and one woman God uses this illustration to show His people what He has in store for us. In our own love story with Jesus, He came declaring His love to His bride, that He would lay His life down and then take it back up again so that His bride may live FOREVER with Him. This promise far surpasses what any earthly marriage can offer here on earth. Our hope lies in another age.

God created marriage here on earth as an example of His love for His people. Many people {myself included} have believed that marriage is the pinnacle of love. But the more I read scripture I see that marriage here on earth is merely a reminder of whats to come for ETERNITY between the King of Kings and His Bride. What Jesus promises to me and every believer is a dedication that no earthly man or woman can promise or accomplish.  Marriage on earth is not the crescendo of love. It is merely a glimpse into what eternity will be like. With that said let us not forget that God created man and woman for marriage, PRAISE GOD! And I am so excited for my day to come when marriage will become a reality for me.

Jesus is zealous for my love, for my unhindered attention and devotion just as He is devoted to me. He laid down His life for me {He did this knowing that I may not say yes, that some days I would doubt His love, and some days straight up deny His love}. Just as an earthly fiance would promise by a ring Jesus did this by His blood. I am sealed in His love, by His promise. That He will come for me. Every time I feel weak, or as though circumstances are crushing in around me I am reminded it is because my groom is not here. Life is not complete without the King of Kings reigning on earth.  Jesus’s promise to return to earth for His bride speaks of His dedication and loyalty to His people. This love no man can hinder, and Jesus himself will not relent until I surrender all. Marriage here on earth is a lot of times epitomised as the ultimate showing off that you are loved, but it is not the earthly marriage that gives one identity. It is the marriage to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords that grants me true identity. The bridal paradigm provides me a place of abiding in His love, resting in His promise that all will be made right. He is not one that would go back on His word, He will come back for me. He will make me brand new. This is what I live for to be loved by Him, and to love Him. The very one who thousands of years ago poured out His blood so that I would know who I am. I am loved by the very one who is love. There is no greater marriage/covenant I could desire to be in.



{Uncreated Love}


my love is weak

my faith is small

my courage never seems to last long enough

uncreated love is who you are

would you blow on the flames of love in this heart you created

show me that this can last

your love is uncreated

it always was

and always will be

for eternity you are love

you have traded me my weakness for your strength

you have given me your power to conquer all

uncreated love

take me away in your love




{Lens of Love}


The lens through which God looks is so different from the one I see through. He doesn’t see through sin, or through the pain, and betrayal that life experiences bring He doesn’t expect it to be what it’s showed itself to be in the past. Nor does He hold unattainable standards for what love looks like. His view of love isn’t based on circumstances or any man made mindsets.

Instead He simply loves.

He doesn’t love me any less when I fail over and over all within an hour.

He doesn’t love me anymore if I follow Him in perfect obedience

Nothing surprises Him.

Nothing hinders Him.

He simply loves.

His lens is pure, righteous, holy passionate love.



{Undone in His love}

* This is an extremely personal post, testimony of what the Lord has been doing in  my life*


Main Entry: un·done

Pronunciation: \-ˈdən\
Function: adjective
Date: 14th century

: not done : not performed or finished

I am wrecked. I am undone in HIS love. Have you ever reached a place in your walk in life when you weren’t sure how about to go about life, and then someone comes along and speaks life into you, inspires you. They show you love when you least deserve it. I had this experience happen to me a little over a week ago. Were I had wrongfully judged and hurt someone they came to me in the name of love with a Godly rebuke and showered me with such love that I was undone, I began crying right there in the coffeeshop. I couldn’t hold it in. No one had ever done this for me,  I saw the love of Christ in a whole new light. I was undone  from that moment on.  And because of this experience my heart has never been the same. When you begin to experience LOVE from those around you and accept it, you will never be the same. I’m not. I had closed off my heart for so long, from so many people. Friends, family, strangers. Fearful of getting hurt, fearful of  trying to control situations and people I kept my distance thinking I would be ‘safe’. What a lie from the devil himself. The only way to be safe is to dwell with Him, in Him. Scripture lays it out in Psalms.

{Psalms 27:5}

For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

The revelation of knowing in your heart, mind, spirit, soul that you are loved. And THE ONE who loves you has no regrets, no fears, no disappointments in you, will wreck you for life. It has done just that to/for me. I have experienced the love of God through some amazing women around me to a degree I have never experienced it before (mainly I had never accepted their love before). Were I once stood from afar looking on at tight friendships I found myself wishing I had relationships and friendships like that, I now walk in the understanding that I do. But my heart must be open to them. I must be open to being hurt, to laughing, to crying with them, to celebrating with them. Understanding that friendship is a two-way street, not a take take take aka “me mentality”. We were created with relationship being the reason, first with our heavenly father and second with those around us. Were I once judged from afar friendships not understanding why they were so ‘weak’ and vulnerable with each other, so easily crying with each other. I now found myself being one of them. Unashamedly pouring out my heart to those around me. I had learned over the years to “suck it up” not cry and put on a smile attempting to be the “strong” one. Only find myself 23 years later in a pit of helplessness not understanding why I felt so lost. The very thing that I thought would save me in life had doomed me to a life of misery. Of not being able to relate to those around me, not believing they truly loved me, and most of not believing in Gods love for me. Believing the lie that I was a “misfit” that I would never fit in, that I would never have real true friendships/relationships.

Yes, from scripture I knew God loved me, I knew Jesus died on Calvary. People continually told me as they prayed over me He loves you, you are His Beloved. But I hadn’t had the revelation that God truly cared for me, that He LIKED me, that He was continually smiling upon me. I don’t have to do anything, or say anything to make Him love me more. I can’t make Him love me for that matter. I couldn’t change or control His love. I couldn’t somehow deserve His love. I couldn’t make Him stop loving me, I couldn’t make Him do anything. He loves me. And thats that. I cannot do a thing about it.

HE LOVES ME, AND THERE IS NO REVERSING IT. HE IS LOVE. He will always love. That’s just who He is. How incredible is that?  It doesn’t get any better than that!


If I were to come up with a definition for undone with what I’ve been through it would go a little something like this:


a. to be completely vulnerable

b. allowing self to feel hurt, and love

c. not having control, releasing control

d. opening every emotional door for the sake of love

e. allowing walls to be taken down in the name of love


For those reading I pray that God would encounter you today in a way you have yet to expierence Him.  That you would have the courage and boldness to allow Him to touch your heart in such a way that you would do anything for love. That you would allow Him to conquer all your fears in the name of love, for the sake of Love. That you would become completely undone in love. Letting His love captivate you which in return would free you. That God would bring men and women into your lives that would help strengthen your faith, mentor, and smoother you in Abbas Love in Jesus Name.


So far in my almost 24 years of life the two things that have radically changed my life are these two revelations

1. God is ALWAYS smiling upon me

2. The Word really is the sword of the spirit (Simply get in the word if you are ‘saved’, you will find yourself transformed & renewed!)