You can rest assured

I was listening to IHOP Websteam the other week and this song came on. It was word for word what I was going through.

So I couldn’t help but share it with you all.


You can rest assured, I won’t let you go

He is wiling to take the time, and spend the years

like a father,

he doesn’t grow tired, in fighting for my heart

he doesn’t grow weary

he is willing to spend the years on me

I don’t grow weary when it takes so much time

because your mine, your mine, your not your own

oh your mine, your mine, you mine

your not a lost cause

you can’t judge the progress we have together

and I’m willing to walk this through with you

im not waiting for you to get it all together

i want to walk this through together, because your mine

The heartache of a lovesick heart.

I am being taken back to two years ago. I was in the OneThing Internship. My heart was getting completely wrecked [in the best way possible]

I was in tears almost everyday learning of Gods extravagant love for ME, and at the same time I was being stripped of fears and pride. It was an intensely beautiful time in my life. A time I will never forget. God placed certain women in my life for a reason. In that time they helped stretch and grow me into the woman I am today. Still to this day I talk to them, text them, and video chat with them. I would not be the woman I am today without them.

Being in the OneThing Internship I was in the prayer room 6-12 hours and that is where I found myself wrecked in Gods love. As I listened to the truth of who God is, the walls began crumbling down. Day by day, week by week, month by month. Those hours turned into days and days into weeks of hearing the truth of who Jesus was, hours of worshipping the worthy one formed in me a passion to give God the worship He is so worthy of. From that moment on love was profoundly written on my heart. They say you become what you behold and in those 6 months I spent my time focused on beholding Jesus. I don’t know how else to describe it but to say a flame was placed deep within my heart, a burning, a deep desire to know God for who He truly is, to encounter His love, to surrender my EVERYTHING to Him in a way I had yet done. When the internship was coming to a close I was hoping to stay at IHOP-KC, but I felt the Lord calling me back home to WA. I didn’t want to leave that place of encounter, where I had made new friends, where I had re-discovered what it means to be love. I left Kansas City, MO with a lovesick heart. I was completely undone. My soul had found a place to daily encounter the Lord. 24/7 worship and prayer was occurring there. But choosing to listen to God I came home. It took me several months to re-adjust to life in WA. But when I did I found where I fit here in the northwest. I was reminded I didn’t need a prayer room to the encounter the Lord. He loved meeting me in my tiny room, He loved hearing the songs of my heart on my little keyboard without any speakers. He loved my life poured out as an offering to Him. He loved me as is.

Well, ithas been two years since the internship started. It has been 1.5 years since I left Kansas City, MO. But that lovesick heart is burning deep within me. The cry in my heart is to be in the house of prayer, to spend my time there, to worship Jesus, to sit before Him and let Him refine me in His perfect ways. I have a passion for Jesus that I cannot contain. I mentioned to a friend the other day I feel like I am going through the internship again. My heart is in a place of such tenderness and readiness to see God move in my life like never before. I am laying myself barren before Him in ways I would not have dared to in years past. I am choosing to step out in areas of my life. God is strengthening my heart to say yes to the things of His heart, and no to the things which do not produce life within my heart. Its not always beautiful looking on the outside. But God looks inward, He looks at my heart.

The days of crying have come again. They sweep over me like the wind. At any given moment something may remind me of Gods love, of His faithfulness and I am undone. The days of laying completely barren before God with others watching me are upon me. It is in these moments I am reminded I am living for Gods gaze and Gods gaze alone. All I want is to know what God thinks of me, to be seen by Him. All I want is to encounter His love, no matter the cost. Ive surrendered all I’ve had before, and in this season again I am doing it in a profound way [for me personally]. In this season my physical/temporary surroundings are changing as a result. The heartache of a lovesick heart is calling me away from where I am. Calling me to leave the boat so to speak and walk towards Jesus, and in order to walk towards Him I must walk on water. I must walk out on faith, faith of who I know God to be. No matter what storms come my way, what I know to be true of God shall be the only thing that moves me. This is my hearts desire, that when He calls me I will listen. That when He holds out His hand, I will take it. My hearts desire is to not take offense when life doesn’t seem to go my way. My hearts desire is to know this Jesus that surrendered all for the sake of love so that I may look more like Him.

Maybe you can relate to me, maybe you have been there. Maybe you are there. Or maybe you have never heard anyone talk about getting “wrecked” in a good way, or what it means to be “completely undone”, or how someone could be “lovesick” for God…. I would love to chat! Feel free to comment on the blog post, or send me an email if you feel more comfortable that way [at]

Btw, take a listen to this song below. I had it on repeat as I wrote this post. This song just wrecks me to know God more.

Late night thoughts.


As I see my internship friends living there lives still in Kansas City I sometimes I wonder if going back to IHOP-KC would make life easier. If it would make my heart ache less, if it would somehow answer my questions. Now these questions don’t haunt me. They don’t cause me pain. They instead make me wonder at moments, they bring forth excitement. They cause me on nights like tonight to stay awake. I know the answer though. It wouldn’t. Life would still go on. I would still have questions. Possibly ever more there than here. So I do the only thing I can which is thank God for where he has each of his children, myself included. We are all on a separate journey. No journey looks the same in how we walk it out. I know in my heart where it is I am to be in this season. In the next season, well, that is a surprise for all:)

I can wonder, I can question. But ultimately it gains me nothing.

I can pray, I can read the word. That will gain everything.



It is the very essence of the christian walk.

Sole dependence on the man Jesus.

We are to walk not according to situations and circumstances, but rather according to the big picture. ETERNITY. My aim in life is to cultivate a lifestyle pleasing unto God.

It reminds me of last December in the prayer room at IHOP-KC crying out to the Lord not wanting to leave. Oh how my heart hurt in that season as I surrendered much more than anyone knew. And again I feel that season of surrender unto a season of miracles and HOPE.

This is tonights late night thoughts…

{Did you learn to love?}

Well it’s officially the last week of the internship here at the International House of Prayer.

I really couldn’t come up with a better way for my second to last sunday to play out if I had the choice. I’m sitting in the best coffee shop with Jon Thurlow Christmas music playing in the background, outside snow has covered the ground, my peppermint hot cocoa and fudge nut cookie are awaiting my devouring. My ears picking up conversations around me, contagious laughter pours from a woman across the way, men in front of me are conversing about the goodness of God, others spread out sitting alone texting, emailing going about their day. {If you hadn’t noticed cafe’s are one of my favorite places to be.}

With it being the last week, the reminiscing has begun. The late night talks & crying in bed together with the roommates go early into the morning. The obsessive picture-taking, just to make sure we have everything documented in our time here. The packing, the exchanging of clothes. The deep cleaning… However admist all the laughter,  tears, breakthrough, and breakdowns my time here all come down to one question.

At the end of the night when I lay my head upon my pillow the same question that is asked of me nightly will be asked of me on that glorious day when Jesus returns:

“Did you learn to love”

plain and simple.

Did I learn to love?

When the photographs are lost, tears dry up, when being in prayer room is not longer required, when the friends move away. What is left?

The personal and financial breakthrough that one encounters are great, yet only goes so deep because of the following truth. It all comes down to love. Of what point is breakthrough,  friends, a great church, and good teachings without love?  If someone were to ask me what I have learned in being here it was the very thing I was contending for. To know love. In coming here I discovered what real love is, who it is. Love is not an emotion, it is an action. It is not a distant feeling, it is not something afar off that only some can touch. All can reach for love and touch it. Yet one must first reach to feel it. Love is all around, it is all encompassing, it cannot be contained. Love is always loving. But we must choose to love, to feel love, to recieve love before to begin to what depths love itself has gone for us to feel love for eternity. This love, the force behind love is Jesus. Jesus is Love. All He does is motivated in and through love. There is nothing He does apart from it. It is in his jealous zeal that He cuts out all that would hinder love. It is in His bridegroom heart that He woo’s his Bride.  Its all for love.




{What ive learned living on a mission base}

Photobucket(Above picture is the actual prayer room I spend 20+ hrs a week in)

Living on a mission base with over 500 university students I have learned a few things about a)living in the midwest & b)what it looks like to live without alot of extra money. There entertaining & brand new to me {some of which I myself have definitely picked up}. So I thought I’d share a couple with you.

* Drinking your water, juice, or soda out of what once was a PB jar is normal

* Clothing sales are monthly – there is almost always someone selling there clothes to make a buck or two

* Sharing laundry loads to save money is wise

* If there’s a 2 bedroom apartment you will find at least 2 people in each room for the sake of CHEAP rent {But be warned no more than 4 girls per house otherwise its considered a brothel}

* Soda machines are great for getting soda & laundry quarters

* Midwest attire can be summed up in two outfits:

*Toms, Jeans, Sweatshirt


*Jeans, Cardigan, boots.




{The choice}




Its a rainy day. Perfect time to blog. Its been a couple weeks since I have actually blogged on my life here. So here we go. There are less than 50 days until I graduate from the OneThing internship here at International House of Prayer. When they said the last half goes by quicker than first half they were right!


With the graduation fast approaching I have found myself trying to come up with what I should do with my time after internship. Ideas ran rampant in my mind, I could start one of the business’s I’ve always wanted to, I could be a nanny in the third richest town in the United States, there are plenty of oppurtunities here to make money and live well. But I didn’t have a peace about any of the things. {Reminds me back in May before I left for internship and I asked God what I would be doing after the internship and I felt like he said you have no idea, well He was right, as always;}{ See that blog entry here;)}.

So the last couple months when I have asked God what after the internship looked like, He didn’t answer the question directly {I think about the bible and when Jesus spoke directly to the people hearts who were asking Him questions, instead of answering question directly}, he instead asked me these two questions repeatedly.


‘Can you trust me up to the last minute’


‘Can you leave it all behind?’


He couldn’t possibly mean it, right? God didn’t actually want me to leave behind everything I had worked so hard for? Right?  {Insert me hoping I was repeatedly feeling the wrong impression} But, Yep. That is exactly what He was asking of me. Apart of my personality, I am one who plans ahead, WAY ahead. It’s a strength I believe the Lord equipped me with. But in our strengths we can sometimes forget our need for the Lord in our daily lives, and life goals because we get so good at doing things for ourselves. God was and is desiring to strip me of that false security. He is asking me to completely depend upon Him. Trusting that He can do far beyond anything I personally could come up with. I am beginning to see little glimpses of Gods provision for me.

And each time they are so divinely orchestrated that there is no denying its from God, I had no play in His plans unfolding except for my weak yes to His questions ‘can you trust me?’.

So here I am halfway across the country literally in the middle of no were, without my car, without a job, without the ‘extras’ that I love having {you know those things that make a home}. Sitting in the prayer room, I find God asking me again. Can you trust me? Can you believe that your prayers move mountains? I find God asking me to spend most of my time doing the opposite of what the world says is wise or smart to do. But to God it is success. It is growing in deeper intimacy with Him, it is partnering with His heart for the nations, it is learning who I was created to be.

Becoming an intercessory missionary was so NOT on my radar of things I wanna do with my life, or had a desire to do until coming here I would get those twinges of ‘this is what I was made for’ when I would be sitting in the prayer, and worshipping. But I would push them away, thinking I couldn’t possibly be called to this. Back in high school I use to make fun of missionaries, thinking it was pointless and now I find myself drawn to not only being a missionary, but an intercessory missionary. Kinda funny when you think about it. {For those wondering what an intercessory missionary is Go HERE for an awesome description written by one here at IHOP-KC}

In this season of my life I feel like the Lord was asking me to lay down my talents, my dreams of starting business’s, traveling the world…To leave behind my family and friends to seek Him even deeper than the last 4+ months. To trust Him. Now its one thing to live on a mission base and spend most of your time praying and worshipping God for 6 months apart of an internship, but to apply it to ‘real life’ and make it your main goal, that is a whole different story.To lay down my strengths before Him and allow Him to arise in His strength in my life for His glory. Its ‘easy’ to get a job, start a business, find a place to stay. But its alot harder {at least for me} to allow all this to be divinely orchestrated by God. And that is just what He is doing. Redefining my definition of success, and continually reminding me at the end of the age ITS ALL ABOUT LOVE.





{Gods Provision}

This is an excerpt from my last monthly newsletter I sent out.  I also posted this on facebook. But I thought I would post this here on my blog as well, hopefully it will encourage some of you and give you a little more insight into what living on a mission base looks like.

I thought I would talk a bit about what its like to live here on a mission base. There are over 80 ministries that are apart of/under the International House of Prayer name. They range from an adoption agency,worship teams (keeping the 24/7 worship going), 4 internships, bible university, outreach to feeding & clothing the poor, the list goes on…The enviroment here, is one of pure LOVE. It is not strange or out of place to have a total stranger ask if they could pray for you, or give you something (An hour ago from writing this a fellow intern came to me and told me how she needed a soda because her stomach wasnt feeling good, so she asked a friend for the money to buy one, she then went to the vending machine were a lady(who she didnt know) was standing at the vending machine she had just bought a sprite and asked my friend if she would like iit, my friend said YES of course;). And just 30 mins ago another intern who’s my roommate just had someone come up and gave her $40.The lifestyle here revolves around sermon on the mount {Matthew 5}.Its unlike anything I have ever experienced. Those living here are raising their own support, there are the rare few who receive a work scholarship (typically office jobs).

The main focus of the Mission Base is keeping the 24/7 prayer & worship going. The missionaries here are called ‘intercessory missionaries’ meaning they not only do works of justice but they are coupling it with intercession (a big word for prayer).It’s like a double whammy here, they are not only doing works of justice,but they are also worshipping & praying to God for him to bring justice, and save people (from sex slave trade, addictions…). Its amazing!Gods FAITHFUL provision There is a real grace here at the IHOP-KC for Gods ABUNDANT provision.

I wanted to share with you just some of the amazing testimonies just within my core group. Maybe there are those of you who are needing finances, and/or trusting God to take care of some financial issues. These REAL stories are sure to build faith.So onto the testimonies. Two girls in my core group came to internship without the internship being completely paid off. 2.5 weeks before the money was due our core leader broke the news to them that both of there internships had been TOTALLY paid for. That’s over $8000 between the two of them! Someone, some where decided to pay for them! On top of there internships being paid for people were coming up to them & mailing them hundreds of dollars at a time.Being here at internship I have had two times were people have either come up and given me money or I have found money in my purse that was not there before. One of my roommates Emily was sent over$600 in checks in the mail within one week, 2 weeks after receiving the money her car broke down and she had to take it in the shop, it cost over $400 fix it. Talk about perfect timing! Towards the end of September I felt like the Lord was asking me are you willing leave everything behind? & can you trust me up the last minute? In Him asking these questions I found myself Wondering if I would be able to raise funds as a missionary,have enough food to eat, a place to live…We are all familiar with the list of needs that every human has. That same day I found myself questioning these things I received a package with airborne that I was needing(from a family member who had no knowledge that I needed them), later that day an intern handed me 2 boxes worth of my favorite snack bars, the next day I received $50 in the mail, and the day after that I was given 10 of my favorite yogurts (all which I needed, the cafeteria provides meals but no snacks to interns) Several weeks later I realized I didnt have any winter boots or any waterproof shoes for the rainy days here. Within the week someone here gave me both boots & shoes in almost brand new condition.After these ‘little’ reminders from God I was reminded how faithful He is to His word. He will always watch over me and keep me!God not only provides, but He provides abundantly.Living here on the Mission Base I here stories almost weekly about the amazing provision people expeirence.Everyone has a story here that will amaze you, from people packing up everything they have and moving here without a place to live, to people being given brand new cars, to being given a place to live.My faith is slowly but surely increasing that God is faithful to His promise that I will never be in want. How can it not in an environment like this?