The importance of identifying your needs

“Yet you do not have because you do not ask.” (James 4:2)

In my 30’s I’ve discovered just how true this scripture is. Especially when it comes to friendships and relationships. There came a point when I found myself with a lot of unmet needs over the course of five years mainly because I did not express what my needs were. I expected for people to guess them. I assumed if they loved me they should know what I need. But how could they know my needs if I never expressed them? That right there was a huge part of the issue. I rarely expressed my needs, and when I did it was ‘to late’. By that point I didn’t even know if those were my actual needs or if the conversations I was having were fueled by resentment or and hurt. Knowing yourself, and your needs is beneficial to all parties.

“Sometimes it’s tough to own what’s going on inside us. But the more we can clearly and accurately identify our thoughts, feelings, and needs, the better chance we will have of allowing another person to truly know us.” Danny Silk- Loving on purpose

If we’re being honest, it took me awhile to discover what my needs were. I’ve discovered that my needs have changed with time. So it is to my advantage to consistently sit down and ask myself “What do I need?”, ” What do I want” in my daily journaling. Sometimes honestly I don’t know and thats okay. Sometimes we are so overrun with emotions we’re to exhausted. The point though is to take time to address these questions to avoid confusion, hurt, and resentment.

When you express your needs to those around you, you’re empowering them to be able to love you well.

You’re also establishing your worth. You’re setting the standard for what you need. So when those needs are not met you’re able to re-assess and decide where to go, instead of staying silent, and expecting people to guess what your needs are. (Passive aggressive doesn’t work in case you were wondering 😉 Not only that, you’re going to find yourself in a lot of unnecessary pain if you just leave it up to people to guess. No one can read your mind and assuming people know is a dangerous path to walk. Being honest and open with yourself and those around is the most empowering thing you can do for you mind and heart. You are giving those around you tools.

Sharing your needs with those around you does not make you selfish. If those people truly care about you, they already want to know how to help you, how to love you well. Because our needs can change from season to season sharing them with those closest to you only enables them. It does not make you a selfish person to be continually sharing with them your needs.

In the hustle and bustle of life I understand can be hard to take time to sit down and assess what exactly it is that we need. I *try* and ask my close friends weekly how I can be there for them, what they need. Especially my mommy friends. Some days its a miracle if we get out of our pajamas or remember to eat breakfast let alone assess the state of our hearts. If I know their hearts are too exhausted to share what their needs are I do my best to do the last thing they shared with me that they need. Its my way of showing “I heard you when you shared your heart with me, and this is me showing me you’re worth those things”. This could be a coffee, flowers, babysitting for free, a couple words of affirmations, a snail mail letter…The list goes on. Might I add, I do these things out of free love without expecting anything in return. This is not “you scratch my back, ill scratch your back” situation. Thats not how love works 😉

Sharing your needs with those around you enables and empowers everyone involved. 

So I would encourage you today to sit down and ask yourself. What do I need? What do I want? Being honest with yourself will enable you to be honest with others in communicating your needs. Write them out, and keep doing this each week especially if you don’t know what your needs are. Start looking at what things are on your list everyday or every week. Then start sharing those needs with those around you. More than anything being aware of your own needs is vital to any friendship or relationship.

 

 

 

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Turning the page…

The only way to start a new story is to turn the page on your past. It requires letting go of what was. Sometimes that means letting go of what you believed to be the best for yourself, sometimes its finally let go of something that wasn’t good for you, sometimes its blindly taking a leap of faith off the edge not knowing where you will land.

Sometimes its turning the page to a new chapter, sometimes its turning the page on the last page of the book to start a new one.

My hope for you is when that time comes for you to write a new story that you would be brave. Believing anything is possible. Letting go of the limitations that once held you back and allowing the winds of change to blow on your life. You may be surprised to discover that this was the best plan for you all along.

 

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello”

 

 

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My favorite fall Utility Vest

Everyone needs a good utility vest and this Pink Blush Taupe Sleeveless Utility Vest is my go too. I can wear it late summer and fall. Im all about layering so ill definitely be laying this over long sleeves and sweaters. Its currently on sale over at Pink Blush for $33 too! Hop over over HERE to pick one up for yourself. They run true to size.

I am wearing a small.

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Dealing with loss on the holidays

Well this year didn’t quite go as planned. The day started off storming.

Im talking thunder, lightning, torrential raining. The whole works. So a pool day was completely out of the picture. Little man goes to his nannies house on Tuesdays so while he played with her and her little one I went with one of my best friends and thrifted. Not before getting my Starbucks B+W Mocha though. The stormy weather and coffee in hand reminded me of fall and Ill be the first to admit I considered turning on christmas music. (Don’t hate me. Im just being honest)

So I do have to confess while I am HUGE on bargain shopping I haven’t thrifted in probably years. I am actually shocked at this considering I grew up thrifting. It use to be one of my favorite things. However it can be SO HARD for me to hold back and not buy everything. Now especially with having a little one. I usually go through a process of putting things in my cart, staring at them. Then five aisles over realizing no I don’t actually love that. Even if it is $1 or $.050.


So what I didn’t know about fourth of July was that it is a HUGE day for people who do thrift. Why? 50% off EVERYTHING. I pulled up ten mins before they opened with the parking lot pretty much empty and within 15 minutes the parking lot was half full of thrifters! I had no idea!! Does anyone else here thrift on the fourth?? Well I am SO GLAD I went!! I was able to find some super cute hoodies, and button ups for little man. That brown jacket you see in the cart I scored for $.99, a denim skirt for $2, and some jeans I am going to attempt to make into cutoff shorts. If the shorts turn out well I will do a DIY on them.

 

 

After I picked up little man we went home and just hung out at home. Because it was fourth of July I put his little outfit on simply for the sake of pictures. Cause come on you have to document this cuteness!! 

While we made the most of the day and he has no idea what he ‘missed out on’ with a pool day, bbq, smores, and fireworks theres a part of my heart that genuinely grieves. See fourth of July was one of the bigger family holidays in my family. My mom loved it, we would go to the beach with my grandparents, parents, and cousins. We would explore the beaches, eat to much watermelon and stay up late watching fireworks.

With the passing of my mom and my grandparents holidays are hard. But its honestly harder when I cannot participate in them. Because when we can do holidays I feel like I am able to continue the tradition of what those who are gone left behind. So today was hard. I wanted to be able to continue the traditions that my mom and grandma loved. I wanted to be in situations that reminded me of their laughter, and jokes. The inside jokes. To be honest this was honestly probably one of the hardest holidays to date since there passing because of this.

 

 

I would love to hear from others who have dealt, or are dealing with this!

Hope you all had a wonderful fourth. Stay safe out there!

 

 

 

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Lets be Honest Mamas : Technology with Kids

Its that time of the month again. No, No. Not that. Honest Mamas time! The lovely Hannah Renee started this online mama group called Lets be Honest Mamas and I am so thankful for it. We chat a bit about each topic and how we do life. One of the fun things is we are all at different stages in motherhood. Some of us have one, others have 3. Some are stay at home mamas, some are work from home, others are working mamas and its all just stinking beautiful. I find inspiration from these ladies.

Do you have an opinion on technology use with kids? Do you worry about being on your phone too much around your babies?

Definitely something I deal with. As of late I have been trying to purposefully leave my phone in another room for 1-3 hours. I always feel amazing after doing that.

Then, I think for a moment and realize wait I have my phone on me for 8+ hours a day. I wish it were the opposite that I was on my phone 1-3 hrs a day and left it in the other room for 8 hours.I find its the first thing I check in the morning and the last thing I stare at as I doze off. So maybe mama needs a technology time out?

 

What age did you or will you allow your kids to play with your phone, iPad, etc.? Do you restrict what they do on it? Will you buy them their own tablet?

My little one is a year old. He is allowed the iPad when we are flying. I talked about that here Tips on how to travel with a baby. Cause um, enough said. Flying in an airplane and being stuck in one spot is enough to make any mama say HERE watch mickey mouse! Or maybe its just me. haha. We will decide whether or not we allow him to use computer, phone, or iPad for educational games as we discover how he learns best.

I am really big on catering to each kids needs. Meaning if one of our kids needs public school and another blossoms in private then we will try and do our best to do just that.  So while one kid may do great at sitting down and reading books and learning, another may flourish in going out and actually doing what we are teaching them.

I really don’t want to buy any of our kids their own devices. I would prefer for them to have to “check out” a family device. Instead of everyone having devices, we all have to share. Again for the sake of more family time, and saving a few dollars doesn’t hurt.

At what age did you (or do you plan to) let your kids watch tv and for how much time per day? Certain tv shows/channels?

Currently the only kid show I let him watch is Mickey Mouse, really though he doesn’t watch it for long. Daddy likes to watch soccer on the weekends and we love watching our Kansas City Royals so typically the only thing on when he is awake is Sports on the weekend. I really try and make sure the TV is not on everyday. I actually grew up without us watching much TV at all and I am thankful for it. Because of it I don’t watch much TV at all on a weekly basis. Maybe 2 hrs a week.

What are your/your babe’s favorite tv shows and movies? Are you concerned with the message it teaches and do you restrict any shows in particular?  

Because we don’t really watch TV I really am not even aware of what all is out there. I definitely will have strict standards though when it comes to what we watch. Shows much teach respect, love, and be teaching kids something educational.

Being goofy is fun and all, but why not just be goofy in real life with your kids instead of some sponge. haha. To answer your question you probably have. Correct, spongebob will NOT ever be allowed in our house. haha.

If you do not use iPad/iPhones as entertainment/distractions while out, what types of activities, toys, explanations do you use?

We do not. I like the idea of trying to use the surroundings as entertainment. I find so often when he is surrounded by toys what he really wants is to explore his surroundings and check out whats on the couch, whats under the chair. To me thats even better. That means less toys in the house!!

Hannah Renee hannahreneeblog.com // Sophia Johnson cultivatemotherhood.wordpress.com // Kacie Ellis elementsofellis.com // Amber Hill amberlately.com // Tanya Taylor hislittlelady.com// Carla Thompson curiousnatalia.com //  Emily Lindsey happilylindsey.com // Stephanie Pollock koleimpressions.com // Camille Burley theburleytribe.com

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The things they never told me about Motherhood

Going into motherhood I knew I wouldn’t know everything. I knew there would be frustrating days. Exhausting days. Joyful days. Treasured moments…

 

…What I didn’t realize was how much I would learn about myself. 

Since having Isaac I have found myself in situations I never imagined. Both good and bad. In those situations I have found a strength within me that I didn’t know existed. When you have a child there truly is a mama bear, lioness that emerges. No one; nothing, will ever get between you and your child. You want the best for that little human and won’t let anything stop you. Not even yourself.

I remember the first few weeks he was born you would have found me on the floor balling my eyes out wanting the night to end so I could simply get sleep as I rocked him back as this little piranha fed what seemed like 24/7. I was part hysterics because I was exhausted and could barely function. Part mama bear. It was the mama bear that kept me going. It was the ‘no, I will provide for my baby, I will feed him, I will take care of him’ no matter what I am feeling, no matter what I am thinking.

You push past limitations you previously had. You find yourself doing things you never imaged you’d be able to do and think nothing of it.

 

You find yourself opening up in ways you never imagined. I am pretty sure its impossible to not look at a baby and have your heart melt just a little bit. Its in those moments that I choose to open my heart fully and soak up every second of his little person and who he is that day. I’ve begun verbally saying what I am thankful for about him as a person. Speaking destiny and truth over him daily. Theres something about saying it outloud that almost re-affrims and makes it even more real. I really believe in the power of words. I am a verbal processor so that may be where this comes from.

Its in the moments when he is on my hip. His arm curled around mine and he strokes my hair out of security that I am undone. To be his safe place is the highest honor and the scariest thing you could ask someone to be. To be his all.

He has taught me more about what it means to live than anyone. Each day I take time to just sit back and watch him. I watch him unassisted making choices, decisions by himself. What is it that he does? What does he choose to spend his time with?

He loves deeply. He laughs without care. He throws his body back without fear when he is overcome with joy. His eyes light up like he’s never been hurt.

I wanna be more like him in those moments.

 

 

What about you mamas? What have you learned about motherhood?

 

Top is from PinkBlush and can be found HERE ( I am wearing a small for reference)

Currently on sale for $30!

 

what they never told me about motherhood