I have felt this deep sense of not only want but a NEED to simplfy my life. Not just for the sake of having a clean and organized house but for the sake of deep within me there are things (hopes, dreams, ambitions) that have been stagnant and its time for them to re-surface. However if I’m being honest theres no room for them right now with everything else on my plate. My mind is cluttered with what-ifs, and hows, and when will there ever be time scenarios.
Yet when I think about the new year and the possibilities it holds I see so much potential.
First, I have to let go of some things. This February will be four years since my mom passed away. I have begun to allow myself to FEEL the pain, and in allowing myself to feel the pain it begins to lift off of me. Don’t get me wrong there is a sadness I carry with me everyday but in facing my fears, in facing the deepest darkest emotional pain I’ve known I allow myself freedom to feel joy. Real, authentic, beautiful, belly laughter kinda joy. Which I honestly haven’t felt on a daily basis in over five years. However I feel myself turning a corner, I see the light streaming through inviting me to dance. Inviting me to let go. Inviting me to jump in. It all sounds amazing. Yet, there is still a little piece of me hesitant to believe that goodness could truly fill my life again.
I don’t think it was any accident that we named our firstborn son Isaac. His name means laughter. Since carrying him I found myself erupting in laughter like I haven’t in years. He has and is bringing a dynamic to our little family that is healing. Maybe I should call it healing laughter.
These last couple days leading up to the new year I want to embrace all that this year as given me and let go of everything that didn’t bring me joy. I want to live the life I dream of. No matter how big and crazy those dreams may be. So who wants to dream with me? Who wants to jump in and let go?
Would love to hear what you are dreaming of, what you are believing for next year to entail.