For those who have never read any of my posts before. I lost my mother to cancer two years ago and then 4 months later to the day I lost my grandfather. (My grandma was then diagnosed almost two years after my mom died and given no more than a year to live) I am an open book when it comes to writing about the pain and the heartache that one goes through in the grieving process in hopes it may encourage and strengthen others no matter what their situation.
In the last month I have really noticed just how stressed and anxious my body feels. I had been getting so tired of bad things happening in my life and those around me. I just couldn’t take it anymore. My prayer to God everyday this week has been “God please help, take this stress away, please fix these situations, don’t let bad stuff happen anymore”. I have been talking with the Lord about stress, life, fears… Tired to the point of tears some days. Angered to the point of wanting to scream at situations. Two days ago I was stressing out and mad about a situation in someones life close to me. I was angered by their actions, angered by their lack of maturity. While dwelling on the negative I felt the Lord so clearly speak to my heart “It’s not your burden to carry”.
Talk about stop in your tracks. As soon as I ‘heard’ him say this my mind stopped, and I instantly tried to convince the Lord otherwise. If I didn’t worry about it, who would?
Then a split second later I thought about what he said “It’s not your burden to carry”. Man that sounds good I thought. Somehow my heart and my spirit knew this was truth. So I accepted that. It wasn’t my burden to carry.
Matthew 11:30 says just that
It felt good. I didn’t have to worry about it. Still in the back of my head I wondered what would happen in the situation.
Fast forward to last night before bed, I was on my knees praying. I was tired of worrying about every little thing. Worried about a car breaking down, worried about paying off debt, worried about retirement…I prayed that same prayer I had been praying all week. “God please take this stress away, fix these situations, don’t let bad stuff happen anymore…”
My reasoning for this prayer had always been I can’t do this anymore. I had said it to many times to count to my husband, myself, and to God. It sounded legit to me. I had been through enough deaths, pain, and heartache in my life right?
This morning I was woken to my husband saying his car wouldn’t start and he needed me to take him to work. Wanna guess where my stress-o-meter was at this point?
As I was driving him to work I was telling my husband about what I had been praying in regards to these situations I found stressful “I prayed that these things wouldn’t happen, I just can’t do it anymore I guess God doesn’t agree and thinks I can handle these things.”
Wait, what just came out of my mouth?
I knew what I had just said was truth.
All along I had been thinking “I can’t do this,” “It’s to much,” “I can’t handle anymore”, “i can’t deal with anymore bad things”... Each of my fears began with ME thinking I was capable of doing it alone. Suddenly my mind and my heart started connecting the dots.
– I was never asked to do life alone.
– These burdens are NOT for me to carry
– I CAN walk through life’s trials no matter how big or small
God did not MAKE these bad things happen. I have blogged about that HERE. I knew that. However I didn’t understand before today how he would allow these things to happen.
God never promised bad things wouldn’t happen. However He did promise He would work everything out for good. THAT is what I am to place my faith in. His promises.
2 Corinthians 1:20
Sometimes I think we need to look at how we are praying, how we are approaching situations and see if they are in alignment to what the word of God says. I had been so focused I what I couldn’t do, I forget about what God could do.
I am to draw faith and security in that God CAN and WILL work things out for my good no matter what happens. Whether it be a car breaking down, or my mom dying. There WILL be good that comes forth. That is what I am to believe for and I am to believe and rely in His never-ending love for me. Life isn’t always convenient or painless. Sometimes when a lot of bad things happen in someones life it is easy to forget that. So as God has reminded me of these truths in life. I pray that you to would remember the promises over your life, no matter what your situation is.