Two years ago mom took her last breath here on earth. If you knew my mom you would know that I am pretty much her twin. Not only do we look similar but when it comes to mindsets, and behaviorisms we are IDENTICAL. This goes for our strengths and weaknesses. Over the last two years since my mom has passed I have grown so much. I consider it the silver lining in her death. I believe from the bottom of my heart that God is MORE THAN ABLE to bring life out of death.
My growth is due to her passing and to getting married. During her bouts with cancer I watched her hold onto some of her insecurities, fears, and weaknesses (she eventually let down alot of her walls and forgave). On the flipside I also saw her maintain her servant heart, her devotion to Christ, and her love. My moms greatest strengths and weaknesses’ are my greatest strengthens and weakness with a dash of my dad in there (ie: Crazy eccentric)
The first year of grieving my moms death I was in shock, denial, grief, and depression (you don’t realize it at the time because I slowly started withdrawing and I’m an introvert). At the beginning of last year I had an encounter with the presence of God that set me on a path to begin opening up my heart again, choosing to really live, and having hope again. Something I had lost since losing my mom.
I began to feel hope in a tangible way. I began smiling again. I began living and dreaming.
I talk about all of this candidly because I know there are others that have experienced, and/or are experiencing this very thing right now. I have always said that I will take whatever comes my way no matter how hard, or how wonderful if it means I will have a testimony to share with others to help set them free. I have never changed my stance on this even with all the death and loss I have encountered in my life.
If you or someone you know has lost a family member to cancer I want to dare you to dream again. To hope again. To live for something more again.
There are so many factors that have helped me to dream and hope again. One of the first things that helped me begin to live again was regaining the hope I had lost. I had lost so much of myself without even realizing it until I began feeling hope again. As I began feeling flickers of life, love, and real energy I realized just how sad and numb I had been the previous year.
I began thinking about the things that I once loved doing and started trying to do them again. I want to challenge you to do the same. You will probably have no desire to do it but I want you to just try it. Once a week try it again, or try something different. Just don’t quit on trying.
I found this helped me to remember who I was. (Things I did to help remember who I was: sketching, reading (I stopped reading after mom died) books, reading blog articles on loss, talk with my husband and close friends about the pain, start drawing up plans for the next couple years- I am a visionary, without vision I really do perish. Another thing that ties in with being a visionary was finding people on instagram that inspire me and following them. Being inspired is a very powerful thing. I am thankful for social media there is so much life to be had from it if you are able to detach from comparison.)
Some other things that really helped me was working out and changing my diet. I was so lethargic and not health focused that I felt like I was a year or two away from having some major health issues. Might I remind you again skinny does NOT mean healthy. Me and the hubby started working out together, we would go play tennis together, I would go swim in the pool. I just started moving again.
Endorphins are pretty amazing.
Once I started getting moving again we start eating better. Not all at once, but one month at a time. I remember seeing a suggestion from a nutrionist that I follow on instagram that said ‘today add 3 vegetables to your dinner’. I thought to myself, THREE?!? We don’t even eat three vegetables a day let alone every week. That’s when it clicked for me that I needed to get us back on track. (My momma taught me way better – we NEVER had junk food and she had an actual hatred for McDonalds and soda) Now we do have at least three veggies everyday (typically) thanks to juicing and me cooking healthier options and I have energy again. I almost forgot how good it felt to be filled up by food. Not stuffed and lethargic from junk “food” and soda.
Another thing that helped me was Young Living Oils. Don’t worry I am not about to try and sell them to you. It drives me UP THE WALL when people message me about it. haha. I have a friend that I buy mine from and she’s amazing and gives me my space. At this point we only use peace and calming oil. We apply it to our feet at night and it helps me sleep through the night soundly and I am able to wake in the morning completely alert. (if you are interested in buying them I can direct you to my gal as I have no desire to sell them)
The last thing that has really helped is writing. When my moms health went downhill the second time I stopped writing. Not on purpose, just in the busyness of getting engaged, my grandpa passing, getting married, my photography business, my FT job I was stretched way to thin. I began writing in my journal, on the blog…not consistently but enough that my heart began really wanting to write again.
And here I am…
I am so thankful for the Lords hand in my life and He has seen me through every hardship and fear. I declared to my husband that this year I wanted to live free without fear. For the last couple years I allowed fear to dictate my actions. No more. I am learning to live life to the fullest ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Hope this encouraged you and if your mom is still living PLEASE give her a couple minutes or hours of your time today and remind her of how thankful you are for her. There really is no one like a mom.