lets be real

After losing my mom and grandpa within 6 months of each other my world was turned upside down. I had never known death and then all of a sudden there it stood facing me head on at my doorstep. My heart sunk, my mind was confused, and my joy was lost. Over the next year I found myself fighting to feel, and to experience love and joy as bitterness and anger had clouded my vision and convinced me that joy was no longer my portion. This was a lie though.

After losing my mom I felt as though I had lost my best friend. But I did not realize it for months to come. No I am not talking about my mom, I am talking about God. Where I use to talk to him all the time I one day realized I had stopped talking to him. I was scared to talk to him. I was afraid of what might happen next. What if someone else was taken from me? What if I was taken from this world? I was scared. I was fearful.

I had forgotten this loving kindness that had surrounded me through my moms entire cancer sickness. I had forgotten the protection of my savior since birth. I had forgotten.

Forgetting my best friend was slowly killing me inside. I am a creative soul. I must create it is simply how the lord made me. I create in words, in songs, in baking, in organizing, in clothing…I had lost that creative desire though.

I had been knocked off my feet after the sudden death of my mom and grandfather. The shock had been to much for me.

I no longer felt God. I no longer felt secure of what was going to happen next. If you remember before my moms death I had began to pray for my faith to be stretched. Where I had always known what would happen next I wanted to have to have a little more faith. Well, that pray was answered. Within that prayer being answered I realized I had no put my faith in God in alot of the areas in my life. Instead I had put my faith in my circumstances. I had found trust in the success of my business, my blogs, my relationships and friendships. Well when you move to a new state, begin a new job, and start new friendships all that will be tested. Then throw in your mom getting cancer and if your trust and faith is not in the solid rock you will find yourself slipping all over the place. I found myself with peace one day and then the next I was an absolute emotional mess.

“Perseverance is not a long race’ it is many short races one after the other.” Walter Elliot

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