Wow, its been awhile. Anytime I have thought about blogging on here I am overtaken in how much has happened in the last several months since traveling. So where do I even begin? How do I begin to tell of Gods goodness, of His faithfulness? There is so much, to much perhaps, I am undeserving of this all.
I am a sinner saved by grace who has found extravagance in the heart of the one who set me free. I was never intended to live in lack, shame, or guilt. Instead freedom is my portion. And so I set every weight aside, everything which might ensnare me all for the hope to advance in this race, to run the race well. To come up leaning on my beloved.
I am learning Gods ways are not my ways. I am learning to rest in knowing that I do hear His voice, yet it is not my job to try and figure out how His plans for me fit into my life timeline. He planned it all before I could take my first breath. He knew the pain and heartache I would endure. He knew the trials even before I knew how to take my first step. He knows my frame inside and out. He knew what I would need, He knew what would stretch me, what would make me crumble, he knew what would revive me, what would build me up. He knew who He could use to get me to those deep places in my heart to acknowledge my desperate need for a savior. He knew what would bring me to my knees in ultimate surrender time and time again. God has always been there, He has always been standing by my side holding my hand saying trust me. Slowly but surely I have been, not in my own strength but His.
I now find myself on solid ground looking out at the horizon in awe of the beauty of this life God has chosen to give me. I am unworthy. This fall is particularly spectacular. God has taken my breath away in this season. He has promised me many things, and He has not failed to show himself faithful in each promise. He knows. He knows precisely what I need, and when I need it. Just a hint/tip what we need typically has NOTHING to do with convenience or making life easier- in fact in my experience what we need are people/situations to remind us of our human frailty, of our desperate need and desire for love, for a savior. These situations aren’t always sugar covered but instead they lead you into the depths of your heart and mind testing both to see where your allegiance truly lies. Sorting out lies, idols, and fears from the truth that is love.
I discovered knowing that God knows is very powerful in ones heart. I need not fear knowing He hears my prayers, my fears, my tears. He hears, He see’s, He knows. He after all walked in a flesh and blood body too, facing the very same things the human heart faces.
I also discovered God is very good at surprises. After all, He knows when we need a good gift or two.