“But I have this against you, that you have left your first love.”
Last night during the student awakening the Lord began speaking to me about how I had allowed and almost forced men in my life to attempt to fill the place were Jesus was to be. Were I so desperately cried out for a man to be strong, for a man to pursue me, for a passionate lover I allowed men to counterfeit His love by trying to meet these standards. Were I have cried out for a man to love me, one that would in passion and in fury would come rescue me in pain, trial, and woundedness I tried to find a man to fit into His role. Day after day crying out for this, not understanding why no matter how kind, how passionate, how sensitive any man was it wouldn’t fill that desire in my heart that was burning more and more each week, each month, each year. The picture the Lord gave me about this was this:
Just as a little boy likes to put on daddys shoes and wear them, there is no way that little boy can fill His daddys shoes, there is no way that little boy can do the things daddy can do, or walk like daddy in those shoes. That’s not his role. They just wont ever fit. Plain and simple. ITS IMPOSSIBLE.
In this same way without encountering the real man Jesus and allowing Him to fill that desire to be loved will lead to dissapointment, failure, and confusion. Jesus is the only one CAPABLE of filling that place, that desire, He is the the only who can fill those shoes of my ETERNAL LOVER. No matter how many ways I try, no matter how many doors I open, no hand will ever hold my hand with the strength and tenderness that His does. No man can say the things Jesus says and have the same meaning, No man can or ever will fill Jesus’s shoes.
THEY WERE NEVER MEANT TO.
A future spouse was never made or intended to fill the place of Jesus’s love. Yet so often young men and women find themselves yearning for a love that will forsake all other loves, a love that will listen to there every word, a love that will be there through the good and the bad, a love that says divorce is not an option. Then there is the other side of the coin for the men and women that desire to be that love, and try and fill that place for the significant other in there life, because of there own lack in there lives. That need to give there love.
This Love that we desire to have and to give is Jesus. He placed a desire in us for PERFECT love with the intention that only HE can fill it. That from a place of knowing your loved, of knowing who you are IN HIM, and being filled from the inside out with HIS LOVE first; then, if the Father would have you marry, that’s when you would open your heart/mind to that idea.
“Do not awaken love before it so desires”
But as long as I feel lack in my heart, as long as there is that burning desire for something more than man you will find me in the arms of my beloved Jesus. Oh what a process this has been. I am finding day in and day out that the most simple of thoughts and ideas are the most profound ones that radically change my way of thinking and living life. I’ve heard over and over “no one else can love you like you love me lord” (Its a song here at IHOP). But until the Lord gave me that word picture of the little boy trying to fill daddy’s shoes it hadn’t clicked. Oh how I love how the Lord knows what we will get, what will make things click for us! He is so good.
*** I am going to be trying to update more. Once I get my camera I am going to try and start doing video blogs ***