* This is an extremely personal post, testimony of what the Lord has been doing in my life*
Main Entry: un·done
: not done : not performed or finished
I am wrecked. I am undone in HIS love. Have you ever reached a place in your walk in life when you weren’t sure how about to go about life, and then someone comes along and speaks life into you, inspires you. They show you love when you least deserve it. I had this experience happen to me a little over a week ago. Were I had wrongfully judged and hurt someone they came to me in the name of love with a Godly rebuke and showered me with such love that I was undone, I began crying right there in the coffeeshop. I couldn’t hold it in. No one had ever done this for me, I saw the love of Christ in a whole new light. I was undone from that moment on. And because of this experience my heart has never been the same. When you begin to experience LOVE from those around you and accept it, you will never be the same. I’m not. I had closed off my heart for so long, from so many people. Friends, family, strangers. Fearful of getting hurt, fearful of trying to control situations and people I kept my distance thinking I would be ‘safe’. What a lie from the devil himself. The only way to be safe is to dwell with Him, in Him. Scripture lays it out in Psalms.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
The revelation of knowing in your heart, mind, spirit, soul that you are loved. And THE ONE who loves you has no regrets, no fears, no disappointments in you, will wreck you for life. It has done just that to/for me. I have experienced the love of God through some amazing women around me to a degree I have never experienced it before (mainly I had never accepted their love before). Were I once stood from afar looking on at tight friendships I found myself wishing I had relationships and friendships like that, I now walk in the understanding that I do. But my heart must be open to them. I must be open to being hurt, to laughing, to crying with them, to celebrating with them. Understanding that friendship is a two-way street, not a take take take aka “me mentality”. We were created with relationship being the reason, first with our heavenly father and second with those around us. Were I once judged from afar friendships not understanding why they were so ‘weak’ and vulnerable with each other, so easily crying with each other. I now found myself being one of them. Unashamedly pouring out my heart to those around me. I had learned over the years to “suck it up” not cry and put on a smile attempting to be the “strong” one. Only find myself 23 years later in a pit of helplessness not understanding why I felt so lost. The very thing that I thought would save me in life had doomed me to a life of misery. Of not being able to relate to those around me, not believing they truly loved me, and most of not believing in Gods love for me. Believing the lie that I was a “misfit” that I would never fit in, that I would never have real true friendships/relationships.
Yes, from scripture I knew God loved me, I knew Jesus died on Calvary. People continually told me as they prayed over me He loves you, you are His Beloved. But I hadn’t had the revelation that God truly cared for me, that He LIKED me, that He was continually smiling upon me. I don’t have to do anything, or say anything to make Him love me more. I can’t make Him love me for that matter. I couldn’t change or control His love. I couldn’t somehow deserve His love. I couldn’t make Him stop loving me, I couldn’t make Him do anything. He loves me. And thats that. I cannot do a thing about it.
HE LOVES ME, AND THERE IS NO REVERSING IT. HE IS LOVE. He will always love. That’s just who He is. How incredible is that? It doesn’t get any better than that!
If I were to come up with a definition for undone with what I’ve been through it would go a little something like this:
a. to be completely vulnerable
b. allowing self to feel hurt, and love
c. not having control, releasing control
d. opening every emotional door for the sake of love
e. allowing walls to be taken down in the name of love
For those reading I pray that God would encounter you today in a way you have yet to expierence Him. That you would have the courage and boldness to allow Him to touch your heart in such a way that you would do anything for love. That you would allow Him to conquer all your fears in the name of love, for the sake of Love. That you would become completely undone in love. Letting His love captivate you which in return would free you. That God would bring men and women into your lives that would help strengthen your faith, mentor, and smoother you in Abbas Love in Jesus Name.