Its been a minute since I participated with the other beautiful ladies of the Lets be Honest Mamas group. I am LOVING these questions Kacie came up with about flu season. We all do something… More
I didn’t think I would ever be as publicly straight forward as I am about to be about the topic of divorce, but after sitting with the Lord I felt I needed too. For others going through the same thing, if I can offer any kind of encouragement, there is not only light at the end of the tunnel but there is gold all along the way.
I am walking out divorce with several friends, myself included. Some of them didn’t want it, their spouse choose it. Others needed to get out for their safety. In my case, I was the one who chose divorce. Almost one year ago I knew I had to get out of the marriage I was in. Let me be very clear. I am NOT here to throw my ex under the bus. My heart is to sit and talk to you about what happens when this horrific thing happens to YOU personally. Because it is horrific. No matter who chose it. The loss of dreams, betrayal for many, and so, so many broken promises which results in a broken heart that’s bleeding out from every side.
You don’t marry with the expectation you’re going to get divorced. Well, I sure hope you don’t. When you get married there are usually always some kind of unrealistic expectations but you never think it’s going to come down to taking off your ring, filing papers, and standing before a judge. But, that’s what has happened to me.
I remember when I first took off my ring. I was almost numb.
How did it come to this? How was I here? How did two people who (in the beginning) loved Jesus so much come to this place? Would I be shamed as the woman for choosing this? How many rumors would circulate about me as people tried to guess what happened between us because I chose this? Would I ever laugh again? Would I ever love again?
Everything in me wanted to crumple under the weight of this deep loss. To give up. To just let go. To not care. I wasn’t supposed to be taking off my wedding ring. All of this wasn’t supposed to be happening. I was supposed to be loved, cherished, and supported. The reality is, none of those things were true.
Your heart response to the knife gutting pain will be the very thing that carries you into your next season of life. I knew I had to get on my knees and cry out to God. He was the only one who understood the pain screaming inside of me. I could never cry enough tears to let all of that pain out. Screaming, yelling, punching things helped for a moment. But the pain, oh the pain.
Like a raging fire it burned hot seeking to destroy everything in its path. And I knew it would if I let it.
I knew I would end up a complete mess and probably an alcoholic if I didn’t respond correctly to this pain that tried to ravish my insides.
In the very beginning it was playing worship music almost 24/7, journaling 6-10 hours a day, and my friends who kept me afloat. I was texting my friends almost all day everyday for the first couple months as I grappled with this decision I had made. Thank you Jesus for sweet friends who text you at 3am as if it’s no big deal. I was trying to sort out everything going through my head and heart so I wouldn’t be overtaken by it all. After a while I found my feet again and began to be able to stand on my own. But the tears still flowed, oh did they flow. (They haven’t stopped yet btw.) Then before I knew it I was running again with new friends that pushed me to believe again. Not only was I running but I was laughing, joyful and at complete peace. I was me again, but an even better version than when I had met my ex. I am now a beautiful, laughing, crying mess. Very aware of the undeserved grace I have been extended in this process. What I have now is an unshakeable peace that overrides every fear or doubt that tries to slip back into my heart that was once traumatized by fear.
God recently spoke a phrase to me that summarized the past couple years perfectly.
“The enemy thought he was going to destroy you, instead he awoke the lioness”
I started laughing and crying all at once. The phrase hit my spirit and I knew it was truth. Where I had been beaten down emotionally, where I had every right to give up and ‘surrender’ to depression, I chose to run to Jesus and fight for my heart. I ran to the only one who could pick up all the broken pieces and put me back together as if it had never been broken. In this process I re-discovered just who I was. How had I forgotten? He created me a lioness. Fierce protector. Playful at times. But don’t you dare mess with what God’s given me, I will pounce. Funny side note: I found a prophetic word someone had spoken over me 7.5 years ago saying this very thing about me having the spirit of a lion, willing to protect what God’s given me. Of course it was lodged in a chapter of the bible that the day before I had been talking to God about- Well, let’s be honest. I told God don’t you dare send me a confirmation using this chapter cause that would just be too over the top, my heart wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of goodness. Guess what my extravagant God did 😉 Yep. He loves to give good gifts. Not only did He confirm, but He reminded me of who I was just when I needed it.
I may forget the promises spoken over me, but God never does.
Walking through divorce looked NOTHING like I thought it would though. Don’t get me wrong it hurt like hell, and it still hurts on occasion, but walking through the grieving process was different than I imagined. There was a peace through the whole thing that was what kept me focused on God and His ability to finish the work He started in me. If you’ve ever heard Rita Springer’s song “Defender” you know what I am talking about. It took every bit of me that was angry as hell, that wanted vindication, and allowed the Lord to be charge of that. Trusting that he would be my defender. All He asked of me was to sit with Him every day and give all of me and He would heal me. It goes against everything we are taught. When we are knocked down we are taught to knock the other person down, or at least spew nasty words to prove our strength, to prove our worth. When you release the need to prove anything you’re able to receive everything.
Instead, God asked me to just sit with Him and He would take care of the rest. He wanted to love me back to wholeness.
Friends, this is where the magic took place. In this place of surrender. I spent over six months in this deep pursuit. Desperate to know the goodness of God, I didn’t care if others thought I was wasting my day spending almost my entire day everyday on my knees, or on the floor barren before the Lord. Most of the time weeping as He just loved on me. Showing me where I hurt. Showing me how His faithful love that can heal that wound. I just had to say yes. It was always my choice. Your healing is your choice. God will never force you into receiving His love. He is however standing right next to you waiting for you to let Him carry you into wholeness. If you are in this place of walking out divorce I urge you to spend the time investing in your heart. Today is the perfect day to begin this journey. He is so faithful to meet us time and time again.
God kept telling me He was even better than I imagined, that the dreams He had for me were better than I could imagine. While I couldn’t quite see it every time, deep down I knew it was true. I didn’t know how but I knew it was. So I chose to believe.
I chose to believe that the impossible was possible.
As I released the pain, as I let the tears flow I discovered the beauty that is the love of God that heals every broken place. I found my source again. My living water. My hope. God was taking what should have NEVER happened to me and was declaring promises of restoration and redemption for my life. He took the deepest pain and hurt and because of my YES to the process He began showing me more places I hurt, more places I wasn’t letting love in my heart.
Instead of just picking up the broken pieces He was bringing to remembrance dreams I had since I was a little girl that I had given up over the last couple years. As He did this He showed me He truly was the restorer. He wanted those dreams more than I did. Through this process I have seen His perfect love truly does cast out ALL fear. Fear didn’t have a place in my heart any longer. Where it had made a home for so many years God showed me that not only did it not have to be that way, but He didn’t want that for me. He wanted me to know the security of His love. I now walk with an unshakeable peace deep within me that knows I am loved by God.
Friend, if this is you. If you are currently walking out divorce I want to remind you. This is my reminder too.
You have not missed your chance at love.
You are loved.
You too will love again, deeper than you ever imagined.
Just because one person didn’t want you, doesn’t mean God doesn’t.
When you choose to surrender the deepest of pains, you will be filled to the deepest measure. What happened to you was NEVER supposed to happen. He is even angrier than you are about it. God has spoken this to my heart several times and every time He does I fall more and more in love with God. Knowing He is trustworthy. The injustice that occurred to me was NEVER God’s desire. He does not want to be associated with such a horrific thing. But He never left my side through it all. And He will never leave my side as I begin this journey of life after divorce. In this journey I have re-discovered myself and I continue to every day that I say YES to this journey. And it’s just that. A journey. I have no idea where I am headed but as long as He is by my side I will dive in head first. Because He always leads well. There are so many gold nuggets along the way as you walk out divorce. I pray you are able to see them. If not, pray God would open your eyes to what HE WANTS for your heart today. I guarantee you it’s beyond what you could ever imagine.
As I finish up, here I want to say: I’m not looking for pity or sympathy by sharing my story. I honestly don’t need it. I’ll take all the prayers you have, but pity I don’t want. I have always and will always share my story with a hope to inspire and encourage. This is my testimony of His goodness. I pray that you are encouraged and strengthened that God makes everything beautiful in its perfect time. You too friend, he will restore and redeem every last broken piece if you let Him.
If you’re going through divorce and want to chat. I would love to hear your story or how I can pray for your heart. Comment below or send me an email to: email@example.com.
Just before a new thing comes into our lives we are met with expectation. That moment before receiving this good gift. As we begin to open the door with expectation what are we to do as we walk into this exciting new season?
What do we do with expectation?
For so many in this season of life in 2018 there are hopes + dreams that you have been contending for and carrying. For years, if not a decade or more. Hopes and dreams that require the hand of God in order for them to come to pass. That expectation for this thing has carried you through the long nights as your pillow is stained with tears telling the story of hope deferred. Its carried you through the mornings when you can barely roll out of bed dreading what disappointments may come that day. But theres something deep within you that knows there is something more.
There has to be. So you push out of bed and dare to believe.
But how do you hold your heart as you enter into this new season. As hope rises, as this thing you have dreamt for is at your doorstep. How does your heart respond?
I want to propose that the time just before you are about to receive something is CRITICAL.
You have the choice to grab hold of it white knuckling it fearful it will slip through your fingers ‘yet again’. Or you can take that split second, choose to steady yourself and choose to be grateful for this gift and acknowledge you really have NO IDEA what its unto. Because friend, Gods plans for you with this ‘thing’ are 100 times greater than you can imagine. I guarantee you. How do I know? Because God thinks BIG. Not just a year down the road; 10, 20, 50, 2000 years down the road. Everyday He is orchestrating all of the heaven and earth on your behalf and all of His children.
Jesus is a great example of His big picture dreaming. Thousands of years of WAITING for the perfect moment. All heaven and earth waited expectantly for this Son of God to make His appearance.
Just before our fingers grab hold of this gift I encourage you to not put it in a box ultimately hindering it by presumming it belongs in a certain place at a certain time. Allowing it the freedom to simply BE. Whether it be a person, a dream, or a possession. Choose to believe just as you have ‘finally’ tasted and seen of Gods goodness that He will continue to direct your footsteps as you carry this thing.
Don’t let expectation die when you get this thing. Let it propel you to dream even bigger.
Receiving this gift, this dream was never intended to be the end of the road. I wanna challenge you to believe it was actually just the beginning.
There is NO END to Gods goodness. Simply put, His goodness never runs out. I encourage you to let him expand your heart, your hope, your belief in HIS ability. That you would take that expectation you felt and let it fuel you to come alongside others as they dare to dream and hope for things in their lives in the seasons to come.
Dare to believe friend.
Dare to believe.
Expectation will carry you as far as you allow it.
When I scored this kitchen set for free. Yes, FREE I knew it was going to need a full makeover. I mean looking at this ahem *beauty*. As a neutral lover I couldn’t stand the idea of this many colors in my house. haha. Bring me ALLLLLL the black, white, gray and gold. I mean what more do you need? Seriously?
Lets take a moment and admire the beauty that is the BEFORE.
Enter lots of tender loving care.
First up was to take off all the hardware. Easy enough. I then painted each set white. This probably helped transform them the quickest and helped me get a vision for the complete transformation. I was able to just do two coats of paint. The biggest pain in a** was painting inside the kitchen sets. But hey, its done and it looks great.
I also spray painted the “sink” aka baking pan black. I was hoping to find something to replace it but its functional. So I kept it. And it saved me a good $20. Finding a play kitchen sink is nearly impossible FYI.
Next up was applying the marble contact paper for the counters. Happy to say it was super easy to cut, and apply. Highly suggest doing this on your DIY kitchen. It completely transforms the kitchen. And for under $10 it is the biggest bang for your buck on a kids kitchen. My BFF joked my sons kitchen is going to be better than hers.
TIP FOR APPLYING MARBLE CONTACT PAPER: The marble contact paper is extremely sticky duh! So learn from me and I don’t cut it longer than you need cause your paint WILL peel off.
I also changed out the hardware. I knew I wanted gold hardware for his play kitchen. I was able to score these on amazon for under $15 for a set of five of them. Perfect size for little man. Gold Handles: $15/5pk : Amazon
Well what do you think? Would love to hear what you think of the transformation.
Have you attempted DIY a kids kitchen before??
Gold Handles: $15/5pk : Amazon
Marble Contact Paper: $9: Amazon
Stove Top Sticker Decals: Etsy
Play Food: Target
Felt Fish: $8.99/3pk Target
Pots +Pans : Melissa + Doug (I scored his for free from a friend 🙂
If you know me you know I LOVE neutrals. My favorite color in that spectrum hands down being white. I need white walls and big windows for my heart to come alive. When I saw the light in this space I KNEW this was our new home. I have surprisingly loved NOT having curtains which surprises me more than anyone. I love a good set of floor to ceiling drapes but the light and windows are just to good to cover in any way. So the only room that has curtains is my room.
I love me a good fiddle fig plant. I found this cute little fiddle fig leaf for $4 at Michaels this summer! SCORE! (Side note, all my fiddle figs I have scored for $5 or under. Um thank you JESUS!)
His Azteca Natural rug from Lorena Canals is one of my favorite rugs for a kids room because of how easy it is to clean. I can just throw it in the wash!! With a toddler, that is necessary at times 😉 Its under $250 too and comes in two sizes HERE.
My favorite thing in his room has to be his play kitchen that I did a complete 180 to that he I gave to him as his christmas gift this year. And yes, a diy blog post is coming next week on how I did it all for under $50. Consider this a sneak peek 😉
Have any questions or where I got something? Just ask in the comments!
I wrote this back in September and while I shared it on social media I realized I never posted it to the blog. I feel like so many have been and are in this season of hope deferred. Hoping it encourages your heart.
In the tension between feeling the sting of the wounds life has inflicted and the whispers of hope we dare to dream for, we are presented with the opportunity to believe.
In the midst of hope deferred we are given the chance to press in.
Surrendering every last hot stinging tear that pours down our face, every stolen dream, every desire our hearts dare to whisper that we so desperately want.
We surrender it all.
Without shame knowing His word will not return void.
Life may not look like how we thought it would, but we can trust it will be good. That it will bring us closer to the person of God. There we will find the rest and security that our hearts so desperately crave. It’s in hearing the truth of who He is. Regardless of whether you can feel it, or believe it in that moment that we open up our hearts and hands to say YES.
I believe this is what’s true in life. It’s all about saying YES.
Hope deferred is not punishment. It is an opportunity for Him to realign, restore, and bring redemption into every area of our life.
To those feeling the stings of hope deferred, I’ve been there. Honestly, I am there right now in this very moment. I trust though, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is the ONLY one who can fulfill each and every desire. In His perfect way, in His perfect timing. Trusting the process He is leading me through will always produce fruit.
Even in walking through death after death in my family, and broken dream after broken dream I can honestly say every time I said YES to Him He has ALWAYS shown up and given me whatever it was that I needed in that moment. (Notice I didn’t say what I wanted. Rather, what I needed)
The key is allowing Him to show us what we actually need in those moments.
Today I am believing with you. Whatever those dreams in your heart are, I believe and know that they are not too big for God to orchestrate. I believe He is currently weaving together your story so perfectly that you will look back and it will be impossible to not say that was the hand of God on my life taking care of my every step, my every breath to see me made whole.
I believe He is currently weaving your story together so perfectly that you will look back and it will be impossible to not say that was the hand of God on my life taking care of my every step, my every breath to see me made whole.
With love, K
Well its christmas eve. What better time than to share my christmas decor with you all than now? Especially since it will all be coming down in the next 24 hours. haha. Yep, I am that person that takes it all down pretty quickly after.
My overall style is pretty minimal + neutral. This year I knew I wanted very simple decor. Green trees. White, gold, and silver accents. Nothing more, nothing less.
Even littles mans room has a little tree in one of his windows. Just out of arms reach.
I believe waiting is so much more than simply the discipline of waiting. So often ‘waiting’ is looked at as a bad thing. We ask our kids to wait for their food as we make it. Sometimes it’s not ready yet, sometimes its too hot for them to eat.
It does not make us a bad parent for asking them to wait. Its simply apart of the process of receiving things.
Christmas is coming up. Apart of the process of christmas is the WAITING. The anticipation of what is to come, of what is under that christmas tree. Its the belief that what I asked for is under there. So why is it when God asks us to wait that so often our assumption is lack? That He doesn’t actually want us to have good things. Lack is nowhere to be found in Gods description or in heaven. Might I remind us all that GOODNESS and mercy follow all who seek him.
If you’re seeking a kingdom on earth lifestyle chances are God will ask you to wait. Possibly longer than others seeking the same things as you.
Him asking you to wait is another way of Him saying let me make this this thing I have for you PERFECT.
Let me perfect EVERYTHING. From you dreaming/hoping for it, receiving it, and cherishing it. Because when you receive this thing. The story doesn’t end. You will be asked to wait again, and again, and again for more things/dreams in your life. Each time you wait, each time you surrender to His timing you will discover just how GOOD He really is. He wants His best for us every single time. This is why He asks us to wait. He is perfecting everything about its delivery. All too often though we try and jump in grabbing something before its ready. Which can lead to confusion, pain, or an annoyingly burned mouth 😉
*insert picture of me waiting for my coffee to cool. Too corny? Oh well, here it is*
Whatever it is you are waiting for I encourage you to lean not on your understanding. Knowing there truly is a reason for the season. Cheesy; I know, but guys its so true. I cannot emphasize it enough. I have seen this over and over in my own life. His timing is seriously a hundred million times better than mine. He is SO FAITHFUL to carry out every promise to completion in a way that will help us come fully alive and that will glorify His son. So when that time comes for that thing/dream to be presented to you, you’ll look back and see realize couldn’t have dreamt it to be any better even if you had tried. And I’m guessing you’ve tried a few times 😉 Or maybe thats just how my brain works. haha.
Believing with you today that God has His BEST in store for you.
Take a moment a listen to this song from Hillsong called Seasons:
“I can see the promise
I can see the future
You’re the God of seasons
I’m just in the winter
If all I know of harvest
Is that it’s worth my patience
Then if You’re not done working
God I’m not done waiting
You can see my promise
Even in the winter
Cause You’re the God of greatness.
I believe that my season will come.”
Preparing for 2018 has become such a JOY. While I am believing for some BIG victories in my life I am choosing to just REST in His abilities. With that though comes the need to be diligent in the daily tasks that need to occur to make life happen. Juggling a photography business, oil business, being a blogger, and a mama doesn’t just happen by itself. Although theres a whole lot of grace on it!
Enter J.Lynn Designery 2018 Refresh Weekly Planner. I have to admit I have always boughten your standard target planner. Spent $10 and called it good. Thing is, I never used it the entire year, and there was never enough room to write it it.
J.Lynn Designery has THREE options for her 2018 planners. I personally have the 2018 Refresh Weekly Planner Geo Print. She has a place for every week to write down goals for that week, and what you’re grateful for that week. I cannot wait to look back over every week at the end of the year and see what the highlight was for that week. This planner goes above and beyond just being a calendar.
One of the big things on my heart for 2018 is AUTHENTICITY.
So when we decided to snap some pictures of the planner in a coffeeshop I knew I wanted it to be as real as life is. This is my life you guys. Sometimes I allowing him to explore coffeeshops and restaurants. Other times he is right next to me wanting to be apart of whatever it is I am doing and its all beautiful. The process is slowly becoming my favorite. This is single mama life and I am thankful for everything I am learning in this season of life. I know it won’t last forever so I am soaking up every moment of just him and I.
We shot inside the beautiful Monarch Coffee. If you’re looking for a *usually* kid free coffee shop head on over. Thanks to all the customers who didn’t mind my little man coming up and saying hi to them.