The importance of identifying your needs

“Yet you do not have because you do not ask.” (James 4:2)

In my 30’s I’ve discovered just how true this scripture is. Especially when it comes to friendships and relationships. There came a point when I found myself with a lot of unmet needs over the course of five years mainly because I did not express what my needs were. I expected for people to guess them. I assumed if they loved me they should know what I need. But how could they know my needs if I never expressed them? That right there was a huge part of the issue. I rarely expressed my needs, and when I did it was ‘to late’. By that point I didn’t even know if those were my actual needs or if the conversations I was having were fueled by resentment or and hurt. Knowing yourself, and your needs is beneficial to all parties.

“Sometimes it’s tough to own what’s going on inside us. But the more we can clearly and accurately identify our thoughts, feelings, and needs, the better chance we will have of allowing another person to truly know us.” Danny Silk- Loving on purpose

If we’re being honest, it took me awhile to discover what my needs were. I’ve discovered that my needs have changed with time. So it is to my advantage to consistently sit down and ask myself “What do I need?”, ” What do I want” in my daily journaling. Sometimes honestly I don’t know and thats okay. Sometimes we are so overrun with emotions we’re to exhausted. The point though is to take time to address these questions to avoid confusion, hurt, and resentment.

When you express your needs to those around you, you’re empowering them to be able to love you well.

You’re also establishing your worth. You’re setting the standard for what you need. So when those needs are not met you’re able to re-assess and decide where to go, instead of staying silent, and expecting people to guess what your needs are. (Passive aggressive doesn’t work in case you were wondering 😉 Not only that, you’re going to find yourself in a lot of unnecessary pain if you just leave it up to people to guess. No one can read your mind and assuming people know is a dangerous path to walk. Being honest and open with yourself and those around is the most empowering thing you can do for you mind and heart. You are giving those around you tools.

Sharing your needs with those around you does not make you selfish. If those people truly care about you, they already want to know how to help you, how to love you well. Because our needs can change from season to season sharing them with those closest to you only enables them. It does not make you a selfish person to be continually sharing with them your needs.

In the hustle and bustle of life I understand can be hard to take time to sit down and assess what exactly it is that we need. I *try* and ask my close friends weekly how I can be there for them, what they need. Especially my mommy friends. Some days its a miracle if we get out of our pajamas or remember to eat breakfast let alone assess the state of our hearts. If I know their hearts are too exhausted to share what their needs are I do my best to do the last thing they shared with me that they need. Its my way of showing “I heard you when you shared your heart with me, and this is me showing me you’re worth those things”. This could be a coffee, flowers, babysitting for free, a couple words of affirmations, a snail mail letter…The list goes on. Might I add, I do these things out of free love without expecting anything in return. This is not “you scratch my back, ill scratch your back” situation. Thats not how love works 😉

Sharing your needs with those around you enables and empowers everyone involved. 

So I would encourage you today to sit down and ask yourself. What do I need? What do I want? Being honest with yourself will enable you to be honest with others in communicating your needs. Write them out, and keep doing this each week especially if you don’t know what your needs are. Start looking at what things are on your list everyday or every week. Then start sharing those needs with those around you. More than anything being aware of your own needs is vital to any friendship or relationship.

 

 

 

Favorite striped maxi

This PinkBlush maxi is probably the most comfortable maxi dress I own. Thats saying a lot. Its light, flowy, and it has pockets!!! It definitely runs 1-2 sizes larger so account for that when ordering your size. This black striped cami maxi is currently on sale over at PinkBlush for only $45! So go get it!


 

 

Thank you to August Light Studio for the images. Sidenote, I am the cover image on her website. Ummm, FLATTERED ❤

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Turning the page…

The only way to start a new story is to turn the page on your past. It requires letting go of what was. Sometimes that means letting go of what you believed to be the best for yourself, sometimes its finally let go of something that wasn’t good for you, sometimes its blindly taking a leap of faith off the edge not knowing where you will land.

Sometimes its turning the page to a new chapter, sometimes its turning the page on the last page of the book to start a new one.

My hope for you is when that time comes for you to write a new story that you would be brave. Believing anything is possible. Letting go of the limitations that once held you back and allowing the winds of change to blow on your life. You may be surprised to discover that this was the best plan for you all along.

 

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello”

 

 

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My favorite fall Utility Vest

Everyone needs a good utility vest and this Pink Blush Taupe Sleeveless Utility Vest is my go too. I can wear it late summer and fall. Im all about layering so ill definitely be laying this over long sleeves and sweaters. Its currently on sale over at Pink Blush for $33 too! Hop over over HERE to pick one up for yourself. They run true to size.

I am wearing a small.

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My must haves for flying with a toddler

This will be his fifth flight and he has always done amazing traveling. I did a blog post last November when he was 5 months old on what helped that you can read HERE. Whatever you do, don’t forget the carseat backpack. It is a must. Especially since I currently travel solo with little man.

So when it comes to actually traveling. There a couple things I always suggest having “in case” they get bored of sleeping or staring at the person behind you 😉

Now that little man is just over a year old I changed up what I typically have in my carry on bag because he will most likely be awake for a large duration of the flight. (*Update: He ended up just taking a 30 minute nap and was up for 3 hours. Everything listed provided MORE than enough entertainment.)

I always suggest dressing your little one in fleece, or two layers and make sure its comfy clothing. Planes are typically chilly so I usually put him in a fleece romper. This trip he will be rocking a one piece cat + Jack romper I got him and high tops.

 

 

For activities I scored these six books for $1 at a recent consignment sale. (New books + toys are always a great way to keep them enthralled). Also bringing one of his favorite books Babys first 100 words.

I bought a set of gel window clings from Targets dollar spot for him to put on the windows, or seats or whatever else his heart desires. (Some moms suggest stickers. Ummm, no thanks. I’d prefer not to spend half the flight peeling stickers off the seats 😉 *Update* He LOVED these! I did have to remind him two or three times they were not for consumption but he caught on pretty quick when he saw how they stuck to almost anything. 

I splurged and bought him some magic markers + paper. This will actually be his first time trying markers. So I am hoping the appeal of something new will keep him entertained.

For teething I brought his favorite honeycomb goods teething bracelets and teethers. Along with his paci + “teddy” lovey.

 

Snacks. Lord knows he loves to eat so I am bringing a couple things. Cereal bars, puffs (aka baby crack), and a pouch. I will purchase a water bottle when we get through security for us to drink as well.

To keep germs at bay I have my thieves spray. Yes, I will be that mom that sprays the tray and seat with it. Cause lets be honest people with colds travel.

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The only natural deodorant I use

When I decided to switch over my deodorant to a natural one I will admit I was nervous. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer (and eventually passed away) one of the first things I learned about was our bodies need to rid itself of toxins and how most deodorants prevented us from sweating.

Traditional antiperspirants contain aluminum which blocks pores, thereby preventing toxins from leaving the body. Some scientists have suggested that this may be a risk factor in the development of breast cancer. Random fact tidbit. Most people put 168 chemicals in their body every day. EVERYDAY! Yikes.

However being a woman I really didn’t wanna be known as that hippie with pit stains and smelly armpits. I may be from the PNW but it wasn’t a stigma I wanted my name associated with. I knew there had to be something out there that didn’t burn your pits like a lot the the natural ones do. Sidetone, its because of the baking soda in it. So steer clear of baking soda deodorants if you don’t want that. There are ways around it but lets be honest I don’t have time for an extra step. I wanna put on my deodorant and go.

Enter Kaia Natural Charcoal deodorant. If you go on their website this is one of the first things they talk about “Creating natural and minimalist products that benefit busy people is second nature to kaia naturals.” They are my kinda people.

The first thing I loved was of course the packaging. Made my neutral heart happy. Second was the smell. Can I be honest? I don’t think I have ever found a deodorant I have loved the smell of. They are all so artificial and either to girly, or just not my jam. The takesumi detox Kaia deodorant that I use is Lime + Mint. Perfectly refreshing and super light.

I took their 30 day challenge and I kid you not, this is my favorite deodorant to use. I will not go back to the other brands. I don’t have any odor, and I can trust what I am putting on my body is safe. So back to the 30 day detox challenge. Here is what you can expect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I honestly was super nervous I would STANK. Either my friends were lying to me or my body did a great job of not embarrassing me. haha. I only had one day where I noticed a not friendly odor but I just reapplied deodorant and seemed to lessen.

You’ll notice the deodorant is gray. Honestly I was a little worried. I was definitely that person that emailed customer service and asked if it was going to stain my clothes or get on my clothes. They assured me it wasn’t a silly question and that it wouldn’t. Guess what? It doesn’t. It goes on almost clear like and I haven’t had any issues with staining.

So how does it work? Well the activated charcoal helps fight the odor causing bacteria meaning I stay smelling good AND the charcoal acts like a magnet to draw out the bacteria and toxins.

Since partnering with Kaia Naturals they are offering all my readers a 15% off discount. So get on it! Just type in “kymberlyjanelle” at checkout to get your discount.

Discount available until October 31st!

This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own. 

 

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Music Therapy class

I’ll admit I was a skeptic. Music Therapy for a one year old? He is developing well, I don’t see any issues that we need to deal with…Well, my skepticism quickly vanished the moment she walked in the door. Isaac was enthralled the moment she brought in all her instruments and stayed a foot from her the entire hour class. A FOOT you guys!! If you know my little guy you know he doesn’t just jump in sight unseen.


I keep looking around like is this seriously happening? Not only was he completely engaged it was responding to her and doing everything she was doing on cue. Which then of course brings on the mom guilt of wait am I teaching him enough? I had no idea he could do this! Music therapy isn’t just for kids with ‘special needs’. It is for ALL children and I am 100% a believer in it.

Music For Milestones Baby Playgroup is a unique, interactive music class with your child! This evidence-based program offers an opportunity to connect with your child through musical play, while also nurturing their early communication, physical, emotional, and social development. Activities include singing and signing, music exploration, movement, finger-play, instrument-play, and more! Parents will have the opportunity to ask questions, receive parent education, and actively shape the group based on the needs of their child and family! Music groups are led by a Pediatric, Board-Certified Music Therapist, trained in adapting music to fit the needs of each child, facilitate healthy attachments, and build early skills!

After our first class with him I instantly had to tell my friends about it because a) how does anyone get a one year old to sit for one hour and do everything they say and two, he LOVED it. She is a board certified therapist and has the sweetest disposition and lets be honest a beautiful voice that captures the kiddos attention.

 

The first years of your child’s development lay a crucial foundation for the years to come! You can enhance your child’s early learning in a fun way that will make a long-term impact! Music Therapy is a powerful and non-threatening medium, where unique outcomes are possible. The brain processes music in both hemispheres, allowing Music Therapy uniquely to stimulate development in the whole child. With young children, Music Therapy provides a unique variety of musical experiences in an intentional and developmentally appropriate manner that promote changes in a child’s behavior and facilitate development of the child’s communication, social, emotional, sensory-motor, academic, and cognitive skills. It involves relationships that are structured and adapted through the elements of music to create a positive environment that will foster positive growth. Music Therapy enhances the quality of life!

Music is highly motivating, yet it can also have a calming and relaxing effect. Enjoyable music activities are designed to be success-oriented and make children feel better about themselves.

 

I am doing a giveaway for a free MONTH PASS for one child on my instagram account. Head over HERE to enter.

 

Stepping Stones serves children in the Greater Kansas City area, offering services in Overland Park, Olathe, Lenexa, Mission, Leawood, Kansas City, and Lee’s Summit. Sessions are typically held in the client’s home, daycare, or school environment.

Honestly KC mamas. Your kiddo is going to LOVE this class. Get them enrolled today. Classes are ONLY $15 per class or $100 for 8 weeks.

Time: Wednesdays, 10:30-11:30am // Location: Home Holistic (7927 Floyd St, Overland Park, KS 66204) // Kristi at SteppingStonesKC@gmail.com